Marriage and walima

By Dr Arshad Siddiqui

Who should pay for Walimah

Who has to organise the wedding party and walimah? Is it the family of the groom or the family of the bride?.

Answer

Praise be to Allah.

The basic principle with regard to the wedding feast (walimah) is that it should be organized by the husband, because he is the one who is enjoined to do that, as it was narrated by al-Bukhaari (5155) and Muslim (1427) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf: “May Allah bless you. Give a walimah even if it is with just one sheep.”

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said: It (the walimah) is prescribed for the husband, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf (may Allah be pleased with him): “Give a walimah,” and he did not tell his in-laws to do that. And because the blessing is greater for the husband than for the wife, because he is the one who sought the woman; it is very rare for the woman to seek the man. End quote from al-Sharh al-Mumti’, 12/321.

And he (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The questioner’s stating that responding to an invitation to a wedding feast is obligatory does not apply in all cases; rather that refers to the wedding feast that is offered by the husband. Accepting an invitation to this feast is obligatory. Similarly, if it is organised jointly between the husband and the woman's family, accepting the invitation to it is obligatory, because the husband is the one who is enjoined to provide the wedding feast, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf: “Give a wedding feast, even if it is with one sheep.” If the wedding feast is provided by the wife's family only, and the husband is going to offer another feast when his wife comes to join him, it is not obligatory to accept the invitation of the wife's family; rather accepting it is Sunnah. End quote from Fataawa Noor ‘ala al-Darb.

From this we may note that it is permissible for the wedding feast to be organised jointly between the husband and wife, or the wife's family may organise it and the wedding expenses may be shared as agreed between the two parties but who is obliged to provide the wedding feast, it is to be provided by the husband, as stated above. But other wedding expenses, such as venue hire, decorations and other extra expenses, can be shared according to mutual agreement.

On the otherhand each of them may offer a wedding feast separately, as is customary in some countries.

And Allah knows best

CONCLUSIONS:

In Islam there is no wedding party by the Brides family.It is discouraged and is not a part of islam. But if some one wants to do it, It is discouraged but not haram.

However, as far as Waimah is concerned, it is the sole responsibility of husband and all the cost should be borne by husband only. If the cost is shared by the Bride as well then it is not valeema. Walimah is not the responsibility of the bride and her family. It is incorrect to split/share the cost of the Walima and put any burden of the Walimah on the bride and her family. One can give any name one wishes but can not call it walimah. Prophet's "wajib sunnah" Walima feast is to be offered by the husband and it will remain due on husband until he offers one, so that the marriage gets blessed. If he doesn't offer then he has gone against the confirmed sunnah of Prophet Mohammad saw, which is sinfull.

The above facts are based on the following evidence from Quran and Hadith.

Various aspects related to Walimah (marriage feast) explained in detail:

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

The Arabic word Walimah (marriage banquet) is derived from the root word Walam, which literally means to gather and assemble. The Arabs used it for a meal or feast where people were invited and gathered. Later, the term became exclusive for the wedding banquet.

The marriage feast (walimah) is a confirmed Sunnah of our beloved Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace). It is an outward expression of gratitude and pleasure and a great means of publicising the marriage, which has been greatly encouraged.

Sayyiduna Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) saw a yellow mark on Abdur Rahman ibn Awf (Allah be pleased with) and said: “What’s this?” He replied: “I have married a woman with the dowry being gold to the weight of a date-stone.” The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “May Allah bless you (in your marriage), perform a Walimah, even if it is only with a goat.” (Sahih al-Bukhari,no. 4872)

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) himself provided a Walimah after many of his marriages. He provided meat and bread on the occasion of his marriage with Zaynab bint Jahsh (Allah be pleased with her), Hays (a type of sweat-dish cooked with dates, cheese & butter) on the occasion of his marriage with Safiyya (Allah be pleased with her) and barley on another occasion. (See: Sahih al-Bukhari & Sahih Muslim)

Thus, it is a Sunnah and strongly recommended to have a Walimah. Ibn Qudamah, the great Hanbali Imam, states in his renowned al-Mugni:

“There is no difference of opinion between the scholars, in that Walimah is a prescribed Sunnah at the time of marriage, for the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) ordered it and himself practiced. It is a necessary (wajib) in the opinion of most of the scholars.

The time of Walima

The majority of the scholars are of the opinion that Walimah is a meal that is prepared after the marriage has been consummated. This was the practice of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace), as explicitly mentioned in one narration.

Sayyiduna Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that he was a boy of ten when the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) migrated to Madina. (He added): “My mother and aunts used to urge me to serve the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) regularly, thus I served him for ten years. When the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) passed away, I was twenty years old, and I knew about the order of Hijab more than anyone else, when it was revealed. It was revealed for the first time when the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) had consummated his marriage with Zainab bint Jahsh (Allah be pleased with her). The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) in the morning was a bridegroom, and he invited the people to a banquet. So they came, ate, and then all left except a few who remained with the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) for a long time….. (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4871)

Sayyiduna Anas (Allah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) consummated his marriage with a woman (Zainab), so he sent me to invite people for a meal.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4875)

The great Hadith master (hafidh), Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani (Allah have mercy on him) states:

“The Hadith of Anas (quoted above) is clear in determining that Walimah is considered to be after the consummation of marriage.” (Fath al-Bari, 9/199. Also see: I’la al-Sunan, vol. 10, p. 11)

It is stated in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya:

“The marriage banquet (walimah) is a Sunna and there is great reward in it. And it is carried out when the marriage is consummated.” (al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya, 5/343)

Having said this, scholars mention that there is also scope in following the other opinions, thus if one had a Walima before consummation, it is hoped that one will gain the reward of Sunnah, Insha Allah.

How many days?

The Hanafi jurists (fuqaha) are of the opinion that, a banquet up to two days will be considered to be a Walimah, after which it will no longer be considered a Walimah.

It is stated in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya:

“There is nothing wrong in inviting people the next day after consummation or the day after. After that, marriage and Walima celebrations will come to an end.” (5/343)

It has also been reported from the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) that he stated: “Walima on the first day is confirmed (haq), and on the second day, it is good (ma’ruf), and on the third day, it is showing off.” (Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 3738)

Although scholars mention that if there is a need, such as not being able to invite everybody on one day, then it will not be wrong to invite them on separate days.

Who should be invited?

Sayyiduna Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) states: “The worst food is that of a wedding banquet (walimah) to which only the rich are invited whilst the poor are not invited. And he who refuses an invitation (to a banquet) disobeys Allah and His Messenger (Allah bless him & give him peace).” (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4882.

It is stated in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya:

“It is recommended to invite neighbours, relatives and friends.” (5/343)

Thus, one should invite family-members, relatives, friends, associates, scholars and pious people and others. It is wrong to invite only rich people or those who are regarded to be from the upper-class.

Accepting a Walimah invitation:

Sayyiduna Abd Allah ibn Umar (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “If one of you is invited to a wedding banquet (walimah), then he must accept the invitation.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4878)

Sayyiduna Abd Allah ibn Umar (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “Accept this (marriage) invitation if you are invited to it.” And Abd Allah ibn Umar used to accept the invitation whether to a wedding banquet or to any other feast, even when he was fasting. (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4884)

Due to the above and other narrations, many scholars regard the acceptance of a Walimah invitation to be binding, and one will be sinful for refusing it.

The great Hadith and Sahfi’i scholar, Imam al-Nawawi (Allah have mercy on him) has mentioned various opinions of the scholars in this regard:

1) It is personally obligatory (fard ayn), except if there is an excuse,

2) It is a general obligation (fard kifaya)

3) It is recommended (mandub) (See: Nawawi, al-Minhaj, Sharh Sahih Muslim, 1080)

In the Hanafi Madhhab, the preferred opinion is that, accepting a Walimah invitation is an emphatic Sunnah (sunnah al-Mu’akkada), and accepting other invitations is recommended (mandub). This is in normal cases, for if there is a valid reason, one will be excused from not attending.

Imam Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) states:

“The (hanafi) scholars have differed as to the ruling of accepting a Walimah invitation. Some have stated that it is necessary (wajib). However the majority of the scholars mention that it is a Sunnah. It is better to accept it if it is a Walimah invitation.

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him& give him peace) said: “He who refuses an invitation (to a banquet) disobeys Allah and His Messenger (Allah bless him & give him peace).” If one is fasting, then one should attend and make Dua, and if not, then one should eat and make Dua. However, if one neither eats nor attends, then one will be sinful….

This indicates that accepting a Walimah invitation is Sunnah al-Mu’akkada, contrary to meals and invitations on other occasions. Some commentators of al-Hidaya have declared that it is close to being a Wajib.” (Ibn Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar ala al-Durr, 6/349)

In light of Ibn Abidin’s explanation, it becomes clear that accepting a Walimah invitation is Sunnah al-Mu’akkada, and one must accept it. Refusing to attend will be offensive if not sinful, provided one does not have an excuse, and also that one was specifically invited to the Walimah.

WALEEMAH AND HARAM INCOME :

Q: I have a close friend who is inviting me for a Walima eating. I know that his income is not halal. So, should I go to the walima or avoid it?

In income, the majority is counted. If the majority of his income is haram (unlawful) then it will be considered haram and if the majority of his income is halal (lawful) then it will be considered halal. So in the above-mentioned case, when you are sure that the major part of his income is unlawful it will not be allowed for you to attend his walima feast. (Aalamgiri 5:343)

Simplicity:

Finally, it should be remembered that, the simpler the Walimah (and the marriage ceremony as a whole) is kept, the better it will be. At times, people spend thousands upon thousands in feeding people, a sum which can be used for other indispensable needs of the Muslims. And if the intention behind spending such an amount is to show-off, then this will be regarded a grave sin.

The idea here is to feed people with sincerity and simplicity. If one feeds people with the simplest of meals but it is from the heart, that is far better (and the food is also more enjoyable) than feeding them quality food, where the intention is not so sincere.

Sayyida A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “The most blessed marriage (nikah) is the one with the least expenses.” (al-Bayhaqi in his Shu’ab al-Iman & Mishkat al-Masabih).

And Allah knows best